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Support the Monkey! Tell All your Friends and Teachers |
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Support the Monkey! Tell All your Friends and Teachers |
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364 me. You are killing me now.’ His lips and cheeks turned white- quite white. ‘I should kill you-I am killing you? Your words are such as ought not to be used: violent, unfeminine, and untrue. They betray an unfortunate state of mind: they merit severe reproof: they would seem inexcusable, but that it is the duty of man to forgive his fellow even until seventy-and-seven times.’ I had finished the business now. While earnestly wishing to erase from his mind the trace of my former offence, I had stamped on that tenacious surface another and far deeper impression: I had burnt it in. ‘Now you will indeed hate me,’ I said. ‘It is useless to attempt to conciliate you: I see I have made an eternal enemy of you.’ A fresh wrong did these words inflict: the worse, because they touched on the truth. That bloodless lip quivered to a temporary spasm. I knew the steely ire I had whetted. I was heart-wrung. ‘You utterly misinterpret my words,’ I said, at once seizing his hand: ‘I have no intention to grieve or pain you-indeed, I have not.’ Most bitterly he smiled-most decidedly he withdrew his hand from mine. ‘And now you recall your promise, and will not go to India at all, I presume?’ said he, after a considerable pause. ‘Yes, I will, as your assistant,’ I answered. A very long silence succeeded. What struggle there was in him between Nature and Grace in this interval, I cannot tell: only singular gleams scintillated in his eyes, and strange shadows passed over his face. He spoke at last. ‘I before proved to you the absurdity of a single woman of your age proposing to accompany abroad a single man of mine. I proved it to you in such terms as, I should have thought, would have prevented your ever again alluding to the plan. That you have done so, I regret-for your sake.’ I interrupted him. Anything like a tangible reproach gave me courage at once. ‘Keep to common sense, St. John: you are verging on nonsense. You pretend to be shocked by what I have said. You are not really shocked: for, with your superior mind, you cannot be either so dull or so conceited as to misunderstand my meaning. I say again, I will be your curate, if you like, but never your wife.’ Again he turned lividly pale; but, as before, controlled his passion perfectly. He answered emphatically but calmly‘A female curate, who is not my wife, would never suit me. With me, then, it seems, you cannot go: but if you are sincere in your offer, I will, while in town, speak to a married missionary, whose wife needs a coadjutor. Your own fortune will make you independent of the Society’s aid; and thus you may still be spared the dishonour of breaking your promise |
