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pond; and I brought out with decision: “It must have been also what she wished!” Mrs.
Grose’s face signified that it had been indeed, but she said at the same time: “Poor
woman-she paid for it!”
“Then you do know what she died of.” I asked.
“No-I know nothing. I wanted not to know; I was glad enough I didn’t; and I thanked
heaven she was well out of this!” “Yet you had, then, your idea-” “Of her real reason
for leaving? Oh, yes-as to that. She couldn’t have stayed.
Fancy it here-for a governess! And afterward I imagined-and I still imagine.
And what I imagine is dreadful.” “Not so dreadful as what I do,” I replied; on which I
must have shown her-as I was indeed but too conscious-a front of miserable defeat. It
brought out again all her compassion for me, and at the renewed touch of her kindness
my power to resist broke down. I burst, as I had, the other time, made her burst, into
tears; she took me to her motherly breast, and my lamentation overflowed. “I don’t do
it!” I sobbed in despair; “I don’t save or shield them! It’s far worse than I