Support the Monkey! Tell All your Friends and Teachers
When one is in town one amuses oneself. When one is in the
country one amuses other people. It is excessively boring.
ALG And who are the people you amuse? JACK
Oh, neighbours, neighbours.
ALG Got nice neighbours in your part of Shropshire? JACK
Perfectly horrid! Never speak to one of them.
ALG How immensely you must amuse them!
[Goes over and takes sandwich.]
By the way, Shropshire is your county, is it not? JACK Eh?
Shropshire? Yes, of course. Hallo! Why all these cups? Why
cucumber sandwiches? Why such reckless extravagance in one so
young? Who is coming to tea?
ALG Oh! merely Aunt Augusta and Gwendolen.
JACK How perfectly delightful!
ALG Yes, that is all very well; but I am afraid Aunt Augusta wonít
quite approve of your being here.
JACK May I ask way? ALG My dear fellow, the way you flirt with
Gwendolen is perfectly disgraceful. It is almost as bad as the way
Gwendolen flirts with you.
JACK I am in love with Gwendolen. I have come up to town
expressly propose to her.
ALG I thought you had come up for pleasure?... I call that business.
JACK How utterly unromantic you are!
ALG I really donít see anything romantic in proposing. It is very
romantic to be in love. But there is nothing romantic about a
definite proposal. Why, one may be accepted. One usually is, I
believe. Then the excitement is all over. The very essence of
romance is uncertainty. If ever I get married, Iíll certainly try to
forget the fact.
JACK I have no doubt about that, dear Algy. The Divorce Court
was specially invented for people whose memories are so curiously
ALG Oh! there is no use speculating on that subject. Divorces are
made in Heaven[Jack puts out his hand to take a sandwich.
Algernon at once interferes.] Please donít touch the cucumber
sandwiches. They are ordered specially for Aunt Augusta.
[Takes one and eats it.] JACK Well, you have been eating them all
ALG That is quite a different matter. She is my aunt.